Pasts
by butterfly1415
Summary: Your past is a part of who you are. Everybody has a past. The only difference is if you let it control your life. My version of L, Light, Matt, Mello and Nears pasts. Chapter three: Light.
1. Near

**Pasts**

**Near**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note since it's not called 'The Yaoi show'**

**A/N: This is going to be a chapter story with about 5 chapters. This is Nears. There will also be one with Matt, Mello, Light and L. I hope you'll like it. But if no one wants there to be more chapters, I'm not going to write any. So review if you want more! Here's the story:**

It was a bright atumn day. Almost every kid in the orphanage was outside. Alot of yelling was heard. They were playing soccer. Only Near was inside. Because he was an albino, his eyes didn't like the sun. He was in his room, playing with the gifts, he got for his birthday a couple of weeks was collecting al the pieces of his newest puzzle. Some kids had been in here while he was down for breakfast and had turned all his puzzles upside down. That did not just happen to him, those kids did that to every room they could get near. You just had to be gone for five seconds. Roger had already started what he'd liked to call an investigation. It was basically just asking all of the kids if they had seen anything not normal. 'This is an orphanage for children with high intelligence, where they raise us to surpass the worlds greatest detective. What is 'normal' here?' Near had thought when Roger announced it.

There were a knock on the door. It was Roger.

"Hello, Roger" Near greeted him, and turned his face towards the elder man.

"Hello Near, I have a letter for you" That was odd. Near never got letters. Maybe Mello had send him a letter bomb. Oh, well. He accepted the letter.

"Thank you, Roger"

"You're welcome, goodbye"

"Bye"

The door closed. Near looked at the couldn't see who send it. It only said 'Nate River, Whammys Orphanage, Winchester, England'. Only L, Watari, Roger and himself knew his real name. So this time it wasn't Mello. He opened the envelope.

*

L heard a knock on his door. He was staying in Wammys for a few weeks, taking a break before his new case.

"You may come in" It was Roger. He looked worried.

"Hello L. I am worried about Near". 'That was odd', L thought, 'Near usually was the one you should worry least about'

"What is it? Has Mello played a prank on him again?"

"No. I gave Near a letter this morning, and he hadn't come out since then. He missed both dinner and lunch. I tried knocking at his door, but no one answers and he has locked it. He never did that before."

"I see. Let's go, Roger"

L stood up from his chair and walked out the door. Roger followed. They got to Near's door. Roger knocked.

"Come on, Near. Come out. What's wrong?"

No answer.

"Let me try, Roger"

*

Near heard L's voice outside the door. He pulled the blanket even farther up over his head.

"Near, let me in. Please"

Near walked to the door, quickly unlocked it, and hurried back to his bed. He pulled the blanket up over his head again. He heard L's voice again.

"Don't woory, Roger. I'll take from here." Near heard some mumbling and a person walking away.

*

L opened the door. There were dark inside the room, and all Near's toys we're spread around in the room. He looked at the bed. Near was hiding himself. He went over and sat himself, his usual way, at the edge of the bed.

"What's wrong, Near?" he asked.

A little pale arm was reached from beneath the covers and lay two papers beside him. He took it up:

'_Dear Nate River_

_We're sorry to inform you that your mother has diseased because of an overdose. The state will pay for a funeral. Her personal belongings was only this letter to you and a bracelet we also have send you._

_Louis Smith'_

He picked up the other paper:

'Dear Nate,

Remember I love you. I send you this letter to remind you of that. When they took you away, they told me you were sent to an orphanage for gifted children. I'm proud of you. Do your best. And remember mommy loves you.

Your mommy'

L remembered the day he first met Near:

Flashback: November 14, 1999

They walked trough alleys filled with dirt and garbage cans that haven't been emptied in weeks. At last they reached the huge building where he obviuosly lived. They walked up the stairs, the elevater was broken. From almost every door they walked by, was heard yelling. In front of the doors lay all sorts of thing; Old shoes, garbage and in front of one door, a dog. It raised its head, as they walked by. The apartment lay on the top floor.

They knocked at the door, that looked like it could fall apart every second. The door opened.

'Heeello there' A young, once beautiful woman stood before them.

'Mommy, just go back to sleep, I'll handle this', they heard a little voice say. They looked down and saw a boy about eight years old standing in front of them. He gently pushed his mother in direction of the couch. She stumbled and fell on top of it.

'Who are you?' asked the boy. He was pale with white hair and big dark eyes. His face was filled with dirt, and he had shadows under his eyes. He was wearing a rather clean t-shirt and jeans with holes on both knees.

'Hello, this is Watari and I am Ryuzaki. We'd come here to ask you if you want to come with us to a place called Whammys house'. The boy was eying them. When he found nothing suspiscious, he nodded

'I'm Nate. Come in'.

He held the door for them. When they had entered, he quickly closed the door and locked it. There were four locks on the door.

'Sit down'. It sounded more as a command, than as a question.

'What were you talking about?' They sat down at some dining room chairs that were sat across the couch.

'Whammy's House. It's an orphanage for gifted children', Watari said. Nate was looking at them with an blank expression.

'Gifted children? I've been at a orphanage and I'm not going back'. Nate threw a blanket over his mother there were sleeping on the couch. He sat down at the floor, one knee to his chest.

'Yes, high intelligent children. And it is not like a ordinary orphanage'. Nate hadn't taken his eyes off L, from the minute he sat down.

'Have you lived there?'.

'Yes. I was raised there'.

'Do you still live there?'.

'No, and I travel alot. But I visit very often'.

'How are you sure I am gifted?'

'We have seen your school tests results. We keep an eye on course, we will test you. The few results there were showed a very high intelligence level'.

'I have to take care of my mom'.Nate's had a hurt expression over his face, but the next moment, it was gone.L saw that. Nate's om started moving on the couch. Nate stood up. She woke up.

'Heeello, are you still here? Nate, give our guests something to eat. And can you get me some water too, love?'

'Yes mom'

She lay down again, and closed her eyes. Nate went to the kitchen and took the chair there were in the corner. He stood up at it and took a can from the highest shelf. As he reached for it, his shirt revealed his ribs. You could see them clearly beneath his white skin. He reached the can to them.

L looked inside. There were some old bread in the bottom.

'No thank you. We have eaten'.

Nate looked at them, before taking the can, and pulled a slice of bread out. He sat the can at the floor and got his mom some water.

'So, will you come with us?'

'How can I trust you?' He sat the cup of water on the floor and sat back down.

'I am L' Nate raised an eyebrow.

L told him how he solved his last case.

'I also thought you were' Nare smiled at them.

'So how does it work at Whammy's House?'

'You get a new name and is raised to surpass me. One of you is chosen. You go to school, and get your own room. We'll buy you everything you need. It is in England.'

'My mom?'

'We make sure that someone takes care of her'

'Then tell them that the money for the drugs are under my bed, in a green box'

'We will. Now we have to test you.'

'Yes'

The next half hour they we're testing you. And even L, was impressed about his abilities.

'So you will come with us?'

'Yes. Can I be called Near?'

'Yes. Let's go'

Near kissed his moms forehead and whispered some words in her he took L's hand.

End of Flashback

Near was now sitting beside him.

"Are you okay, Near?"

"Yes. It just brings back memories. You know, I'm glad you picked me, L"

Near leaned into him.

"Of course, Near. Do you miss your mom?"

"Sometimes. I don't miss that I had to take care of her, or when she was high, but otherwise, yes. She loved me. And I loved her" A tear rolled down his cheek. "I knew it would end like this someday"

L lay a hand on his shoulder.

"I love you too, Near. You know that, right?"

Near looked at him, surprised.

"No, I didn't. I thought you just liked me, like with the other children"

"You, Mello and Matt are very special to me."

"Because we're the best?"

L put his thumb in his mouth.

"No. Because I like you as persons"

Near nodded and leaned closer.

"I got her bracelet"

Near lifted his wrist and L could see a thin bracelet, made of red, white and black pearls. From the end of it, there were hanging a little silver heart that said 'Love is near'.

"That's why I wnated to be called Near."

L nodded and studied the bracelet.

"She always beleved that the ones you loves are always there. They're watching over you, and potects you. 'They're closer than you think', she told me. My dad was killed when I was three, so I think it was mostly him she meant."

"I see. You better go to sleep now"

"Will you stay"

"Yes. I don't sleep anyway"

Near pulled a little green box out from under his bed, and putted his moms letter down there.

"Will you take the other one?"

"Yes"

"L, that is always why I play with toys. I want to keep my childhood last as long as I can. I don't like responsibility"

L looked at the little pale hugged him.

"Thank you"

L smiled. Near lay down in his bed, and L sat on the floor beside his head.

"Goodnight"

"'Night, L"

Near touched the bracelet and closed his eyes.

'Cause as long as you have someone to share the pain with, it doesn't feel that bad.

**A/N: Please review. I'd like to know if there's anything I can do better or if there's some grammar mistakes. I'm not that good at writing english. I'd also like if you'd tell what's good about it (if there's anything ) Thank you! And please read my other stories.**


	2. Matt

Pasts

Matt

Matt was walking around in the hallways. It was his birhday tomorrow. He wasn't really excited. He never was. He tried to get lost in his game, but it didn't really work. His thoughts kept going.

He needed to talk to someone. Mello? No, he needed someone who would just let him talk. And it would be too weird to talk with Mello about something like that. But who then?. Maybe Near. Matt had talked to him before. He seemed nice. And Near had told him about his past once.

Matt had walked by the playroom, but now he turned around and walked back. It was the usual. Alot of smaller kids, some in groups, some by themself, playing with toys. Linda was on the couch, drawing as usual. Mello wasn't here. Matt was relieved. This would be weird enough, whitout Mello watching. He walked over to the white-clad boy in the corner.

Near was sitting with his back turned to Matt, his usual way.

"Hello Matt"

"Hey, Near. Ehmm...I was wondering...could I talk to you?"

Near turned around.

"Yes"

"In ehm..private?"

Near stared at him for a minute.

"Your room or mine?"

"Yours"

Near stood up and walked out of the playroom. Matt followed. They walked upstairs, and soon reached Near's room.

"Come in" Near opened the door.

"Thanks"

Near's room was white with alot of toys spread around. Near walked over and sat on the bed.

Matt sat on the floor.

"What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Eehmm...yeah, well, Near, you know it's my birthday tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, I know"

Near looked at him.

"Well, it kinda broad back memories"

"Oh"

Near looked at him again. It didn't really annoy Matt, since he didn't thought the whitehaired was scary.

"It reminded me of my mother"

Matt looked at Near.

"Yes?"

"Of my last birthday at...at home. I was seven. Only my mom, dad and Lucy was there. Lucy was my baby sister. We should have a party at night. Sometime in the afternoon, my mom came home. She looked terrified. Me and Lucy didn't understand anything. My mom and dad talked in the kitchen. I tried to listen at the door, but I couldn't hear anything. Only my moms sobs. We had the party, and mom and dad tried to act happy. But everytime they thought I didn't look, they looked...just..wrong. I got my first gameboy that day, but even that didn't distract me. I was worried. After that, my mom started to get paler. She barely ate. She went to the hospital every day. One day, my mom and dad told me that my mom had cancer"

Matt could feel Nears hand on his shoulder. It was nice. He took a deep breath.

"I didn't understand it. They told me that my mom got chemotheraphy. She started to throw up all the time and lost her hair. Her beautiful long golden hair. She got more and more tired, and only came down when she had to go to the hospital and when she was hungry. Which wasn't very often. My dad tried to take care of us, but it was just too much for him. Lucy was sent to my grandma. My dad couldn't handle her. I tried to help him. I made my own food and the rest of the time I played my gameboy. To get away.

My mom got weaker. She was now hospitalized in periods. It was better when she was away from home. But sometimes she was home, and now it was like if I was invisible. My mom didn't even wanted to see me anymore. Only my dad.

Then my grandma died and Lucy was sent to a orphanage. My mom had stopped with chemotherapy and it hadn't helped her. The cancer was still there. Now she was so skinny that you could see all of her bones. She looked like a living dead. She didn't come outside her room anymore. Most of the time, she was just lying in her bed with closed eyes. I don't think she slept. One night I heard my dad cry. It was late and I sat on the stairs and heard him. It shocked me. My dad had always been so strong.

My mom started screaming. She was in pain. I didn't wanted to hear it. I covered my ears, but it didn't help. Now my dad started getting paler and more skinny. He hardly ate. I was afraid he also got the disease. I told him that one day. He started crying again.

'No,son. I haven't.'

I was relieved. Who should take care of me if my dad wasn't there. We hadn't heard from Lucy.

It had only been a half year since my mom was diagnosed.

I'd never thought it would be possible to get paler and thinner than my mom was, but she did. Sometimes, at night, I stood at the door and watched her. There was such a weird smell in the room. Of sick people. Like the smell, they had on the hospital when I was five and grandpa died. Now the smell was here. In our house. It terrified me. What if my mom died?

The doctors come twice a week. Everytime they came, my dad got a new wrinkle in his forehead. He looked like he was ten years older than he was. My mom got more and more medicine. It filled the table right next to the bed. The doctors looked more and more worried for every time they came and visited us. They tried to send my dad a hopeful smile, but after a while it stopped.

My mom still didn't wanted to see me. I asked my dad why.

'Because she has to leave this world soon'

'Where is she going?'

'To heaven'

I didn't believe that. My mom had told me that when my grandpa died. But he had said to me, once, that people didn't go to heaven. So now they tried telling me that again.

My mom screamed more and more. I don't think it was because she was in pain. Not with all those drugs. I think it was because she was afraid. Of dying. At that point, I knew she would leave us soon. She screamed that we should kill her. That she didn't wanted to live anymore.

My dad couldn't handle it. He stopped talking to me. Now he was only talking to himself. He got bags under his eyes and he had started to grow a beard. He didn't bother to shave anymore. He got more and more depressed, and every night, I heard him cry.

He tried to sent me away. To an orphanage. I cried, I sreamed, and at last he gave up. I didn't wanted to get away from my house. I was afraid of what might happen while I was gone. And I thought, if they send me away, I might never come back."

Matt felt the tears roll down his face.

"My mom begged us to kill her every day now. My dad...well, he fell apart. He couldn't handle to see the woman he loved, be in pain.

So one day he did it. He gave her an overdose. Afterwards he called the hospital. They called the police. My dad was arrested. You may not kill a person.

I was sent to an orphanage. I wasn't even allowed to see my mom first. The orphanage was okay. I barely went outside my room. My food was brought there, and the rest of the time I just played my gameboy. I didn't wanted to remember. Only at night, I felt the pain, the sorrow.

I didn't go to school. I was supposed to have started there when I turned seven, but then my mother got cancer. The orphanage didn't bother. I already knew everything you could learn in first grade. And more.

One day, I was allowed to visit my dad in jail. He didn't talk to me. He had halloucinations.

Three days after the visit, I was told that he had hung himself. That just made me isolate myself more. Then L and Watari came".

*

L was in his room. It was Matt's birthday tomorrow. He remembered when they found him. It was right before his birthday.

Flashback 28 january, 1998

_They arrived to the orphanage, where they had been told a high intelligent boy lived. It was lousy. The leader of the orphanage told them his story. It was terrible. He hadn't been outside since he arrived here._

_They knocked at the one answered. They opened and walked in. In the corner of the room, a little boy sat, his eyes glued to the gameboy he was holding in his hands. The bright light danced in his green eyes._

"_Hello Mail"._

_He didn't bother to look up._

"_We're here to take you to another orphanage"_

_Still no response._

"_For high intelligent children"_

"_Where's Lucy?"_

_He looked up. You could see the pain in his face._

"_I don't know"._

"_They told me she died too. That she fell down a tree. Where is she?"_

"_I don't know Mail"_

"_I don't want to be called that!" He yelled._

"_How about Matt, then?"_

"_Yes"_

"_Will you come with us?"_

"_Yes"_

_He stood up, took his gameboy from the floor and walked lout the door. They followed. Now, L noticed, blood was dripping from his arm. Watari grabbed it, and pulled up the sleeve. Ten newly cut wounds. Ten stripes of blood. Matt just looked away. Watari pulled down the sleeve again._

_Matt grabbed L's hand._

"_Don't leave me"_

"_I won't"_

_*_

"And here's the scars". Matt pulled up his sleeve and shoved ten scars at his lover arm.

"But Matt..." Near couldn't say anything.

He hugged him.

"You know why I smoke, Near?. To show cancer that it's not gonna kill me."

"Why do you wear googles then?"

"To hide my emotions"

A bit silence.

"Don't leave me Near"

"I won't Matt".


	3. Light

Pasts

Light

**A/N: This is chapter three, where it's Light past. I think he deserved a chapter too, even if his past isn't as bad as the others. The next chapter will be Mello's past. And I needsome ideas for L's past. Review and tell me if you have anyone you'd like to share. I would really appreciate that. And, if I don't have any ideas, I won't make any chapter with L. I hope you'll enjoy.**

It was a cloudy afternoon, late in february. The taskforce were tired, after a long workday. They were all on their way home. L has allowed them a evening off, what happened vey rarely. So before he changed his mind, they couldn't get out of the door fast enough. L was still looking at the screens, looking for a lead. Light sat next to him, searching for something on his computer.

Soichiro Yagami was on his way out of the door, when Light talked to him:

"Hey dad, are you coming to my birthday? Mom said I should ask you, so she knows how many she has to cook for. And, as she said, I see you more than she does. Are you?"

"I'm sorry, Light, I don't think so. It wouldn't be fair. I have to work."

"You can just ask Ryuzaki to give you the day off. I asked him, and he said yes". Light had turned the chair, to face his father, a annoyed expression in his face.

"That is correct" Ryuzaki commented, his back turned to them.

"This is Kira, we have to capture, Light. He doesn't take the day off"

"Okay, dad" Light growled. "See you in the morning" He turned his back to his father, and Soichiro left.

When the door closed, Light hided his face in his hands and sighed. L, who could ignore this, turned his face towards the younger. He licked on the red lollipop in his hands.

"What is wrong, Light-kun?"

Light looked at the detectives face.

"It's just...He never been there for my birthday. Never"

L, who always had, as long as he could remember, had a happy birthday, but whitout his parents, understood this.

"I know what you mean, Light-kun." L continued to lick at his lollipop.

Light didn't ask about anything, as he knew, the detective wouldn't answer.

"He always had to work, he was never there. My mom tried to make my birthday happy and all, but all I wanted was that my dad would be there. And he wasn't."

L stroked his hair. The touch was very calming. Light looked at the detective again, who had now put down his coal eyes were watching him, but it didn't really annoy Light anymore.

"We better go to bed"

"Yeah"

Light followed the detective through the hallways and up the stairs. They reached their room. Light went to the bathroom and pulled on his pyjamas. When he returned, L was pulling off his t-shirt. It revealed a bony chest, with pale skin, which the muscles could be seen underneath. L took a identical longsleeved t-shirt from the closet and putted it on.

"Seen enough, Light-kun?" L turned to him, a teasing smile on his lips.

"Um...yeah" Much to his disapproval, Light felt a blush spread on his cheeks. He walked into the bathroom again, to hide it from the blackhaired.

They still shared a bathroom, even though it had been some time since the chain had been removed. Light had given up being Kira, when he found out he had a crush on the detective. He didn't wanted to get a room for himself, so he didn't say anything, and the other taskforce members didn't either. They were a bit afraid of L.

When he felt the blush was gone, he returned. On his way he grabbed a photo album.

"Look," Light said, and sat himself next to the detective on the double bed. Why it was a double bed, Light didn't know. "This is pictures from all of my birthdays. My mom gave me this album, before the task force moved over here." He opened the book, and could feel L leaning over him, in curiousity.

On the first page, was a picture of Light, naked. Light blushed, and quickly turned the page. He could hear L surpress a laughter. He kept turning pages until he found what he was looking for. He ignored all of the pictures of him, with big cheeks, and covered with his hand, the picture of him pulling in Sayu's hair.

The photograph pictured a disappointed looking fiveyear-old Light, sitting behind his birhday cake, not even bothering to look into the camera. Underneath the picture, his mom had written 'Light's fifth bithday'. Light turned the pages, stopping everytime they got to a birthday picture. They all looked the same; a sadlooking Light, searching for his dad. When they got to the tenth birthday, Light looked into the camera, smiling what was obviously a fake smile. That continued on the rest of the pictures.

Light closed the album, and looked at the detective.

"I see", he said, lloking thoughtful with his thumb to his mouth.

"I could come to your birthday if you like too, Light-kun?"

Light was stunned. He couldn't stop staring at L.

"You would really do that?"

"Yes, just tell the company that I am a friend of yours."

"You are"

"Oh, yeah, that's right. When is it?"

"The day after tomorrow."

"I will be there. Goodnight, Light-kun"

"Goodnight, Ryuzaki." Light lay down. Now, he really didn't care if his father was there. That was also the other reason why Light had become Kira; when he had killed all the criminals, his dad would come home.

It turned out to be Light's best birtday. Especially when he recieved the gift from L; a kiss.

**A/N: Review please. Tell me about the good things, but I will also be grateful if you tell me about the bad things. I'll see ya next time. Later.**

**Ooops, and the disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**


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